


you are the song stuck in my head

by midnight-archive (kontent)



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Bisexual Archie Andrews, Bisexual Reggie Mantle, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Fuck Riverdale Season Three, M/M, Playlist, Song Lyrics, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 07:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18191279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kontent/pseuds/midnight-archive
Summary: four times Reggie thought about his feelings for Archie Andrews +  one time he told Archie about them.





	1. the fic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShyAudacity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyAudacity/gifts).



> This is a gift for @archieandrewsprotectionsquad on Tumblr. 
> 
> I was late, as always, because I am a dumb ass bitch and can't get shit down at the right time.

**_do I turn your grey skies blue? / there gotta be some butterflies somewhere_ **

 

Algebra sucks. Reggie desperately wishes he could just leave and never come back - this is torture, and Mrs Miller knows that they all long for the lesson to be over.

The boy leans back in his chair until only its rear legs are resting on the floor, staring at the ceiling. It’s an ugly ceiling - more greyish than white, with suspicious dark streaks across it.

Mrs Miller tells them to focus and Reggie can’t help but roll his eyes. He lets his chair snap forward, the sound of the legs hitting the floor cracking through the room. Of course, Mrs Miller gives him a displeased look, but Archie smiles at him. It makes Reggie’s heart lurch in his chest. He smiles back at Archie, bright and warm, and hopes he doesn’t look like an idiot.

It's hard to be in love. Which is funny, you know, because Reggie always thought love was supposed to be the easiest thing to do. But looking back at the stories, he realizes that he might have misunderstood something.

Falling in love is like taking a breath, or catching a football, or making a joke. It's too easy, and Reggie doesn't realize he does it until it's already over.

This is where it gets hard - because now he's in love, and now he wonders if he's the only one dreaming about warm brown eyes.

He actually isn't. He knows this because Veronica stills looks, and Betty still looks, and maybe even Josie. So he doesn't wonder exactly if he's the only one dreaming about Archie Andrews, but he wonders if they feel like him.

If it's hard to breathe around him as if he's sucking all of the oxygen out of the room. If it makes their hearts ache to see him walk down the hall, away from them, even if it's only so to get to his next class. If the sight of his red hair in the crowd makes their brain spin like they just took a hit to the head.

Reggie somehow doubts it. He doubts they feel like that - their feeling might be more along the lines of regret, of wondering about why they let him go. And hell, that is one good question. What on earth possessed them to let someone like Archie Andrews go?

Reggie doesn’t understand. He doesn’t think he ever will.

So yeah, falling in love with Archie was easy. But being in love with him is not.

Reggie is fine with him being a boy. Okay, maybe he freaked out about it for a second or a day, but now he’s fine with it.

He had a thought along the line of ‘am I in love with Archie because he is a boy or even though he is a boy’ and then decided to abandon that thought. The feeling it would only lead him down a rabbit hole was too overpowering to ignore.

So, whatever. Reggie Mantle likes boys. And girls. The world won’t stop spinning because of it. (Only that it kind of would, but Reggie doesn’t want to think about that.)

The problem is just - Archie doesn’t like boys. Or maybe he does, and never said anything. And maybe Reggie has spent many nights wondering, what if Archie did like boys?

What if he was attracted to boys, but couldn’t say it, just like Reggie couldn’t?

And then Reggie remembers the music auditions, remembers how terrible the football team behaved. It makes him feel helplessly angry at his younger self, even though he knows that what’s done is done.

It makes him think that even if Archie was into boys, he could never tell. Into music and boys? He might as well just paint a target on his back. And isn’t that the most ridiculous thing ever? To be a target for being honest about what you like.

And maybe this is not the right topic to mull over in Algebra because Mrs Miller seems hellbent to make the class _engage_ in the topic now, and Reggie knows she will call on him sooner or later. He really hates Algebra.

 

**_in your world, I have no meaning / I'm crazy for you and just like a fool, I can't stop my desire_ **

 

Sometimes he looks in the mirror and looks for cracks in his facade. He looks for the boy who thought to be football team captain was the most important thing, and he looks for the boy who thought to beat the Serpents up would make up for his own pain, and he finds neither.

The boy looking back at him from the mirror is somehow a stranger. He has a pretty smile, but he doesn’t smile as much as he used to. His eyes are brown like molten chocolate, but sometimes they look empty. As if there was something that dims their warmth.

Sometimes Reggie feels like he isn’t sure who he is anymore. Everything that seemed so important a year ago is so far away now.

Reggie doesn’t realize how much going to school grounded him until it’s summer break. He doesn’t make it through the first day without freaking out in this empty house. (His parents are on vacation, and the emptiness is not only metaphorical.)

He goes swimming - but when he comes back home in the evening, he doesn’t really feel better. Unsure about what they are doing, he texts Josie and Veronica - but Josie is on family vacation with her mother, Sheriff Keller and Kevin, and Veronica is currently talking to a lawyer to get her father locked up again. Reggie doesn’t really want to get involved with either of these incredibly awkward situations.

If there was an award for the most twisted family, it would surely go to the Lodges though. Or the Blossoms. They are really strong competitors.

He spends two days like this - going swimming and coming home to watch tv shows and to think about everything and nothing at all. And if he thinks a lot of Archie, nobody needs to know.

Just - he misses him, okay? He misses his smiles in the hallways and the warm hugs. He even misses Algebra a little because he could always see Archie there. And yes, it’s stupid because Reggie could call him, but... he doesn’t want to be clingy. Maybe Archie has something better to do. Reggie doesn’t want to put Archie in a position where he just spends time around him as to not hurt his feelings. (Archie totally would.)

Only - Reggie isn’t made for quiet summer breaks. He needs something to do, and after a week of actually finishing school stuff for the next year and reading the books in advance, he feels too much like a nerd to let this go on for a second longer.

He tries to distract himself with cooking, but after he almost burns his meal, he gives in and texts Archie.

It’s ridiculous how he’s unable to stop glancing at his phone. He tries to focus on his food, but his eyes always find their way back to the phone.

When his phone finally beeps - it had been ages - he is absolutely lying to himself about how urgently he opens his phone.

Archie tells him he works on the construction site this summer - and Reggie wants to facepalm because yes, that he could have figured out himself if he had more than two brain cells around the other boy. But then Archie sends another text, and Reggie’s heart lurches in his throat.

 

Archie

_are you bored? I’m hungry, we could meet at Pop’s_

 

Reggie almost forgets to text back in his urge to get the food of the stove and out of the house.

 

**_need a place to hide, but I can't find one near / but when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd_ **

 

When Reggie’s parents come home after their three-week-vacation again, they find Reggie putting the finishing touches to his newly painted room. He couldn’t stand the look of it anymore, so he re-painted the entire thing. The now white walls look… clean. Like an untouched piece of paper. Reggie doesn’t really know why, but something about the simpleness just really speaks to him.

Even though he still feels awkward about presenting all his achievements, he knows his mother will love it - he framed every important paper and put them on the wall. (If he’s honest, he thinks it is a little motivating for him as well.)

And yeah, okay, he framed a few pictures of his friends and put them up on that wall as well. But that’s only right, they are a great motivation as well.

His mother finds him while he’s putting the things he doesn’t want to keep in boxes. She sees his room and starts gushing in Korean, telling him how much she loves it. It makes his heart glow with the praise, and he doesn’t bother to pretend he doesn’t like it. This is his mom, after all. She knows him better than anyone else.

Dinner that evening is rather nice. His mother tells him about what they did on vacation, and even his father is pleasant, clearly appeased by the fact that Reggie has already finished all his school work for the next year.

For a moment during his mother’s description of the food, he allows himself to think about a future with a boy by his side. He dares to dream about having him over to dinner with his parents, dares to imagine holding his hand without fear of losing his parents. It’s a surprisingly bittersweet thought.

His mother asks him what he ate while they were gone, and Reggie is forced to recount every meal he made. It forces the thoughts of coming out back, but when he lies in bed that night, he can’t help but wonder again.

Would they hate him for it? Would they throw him out? Or would they quietly disapprove, but let him stay until he moved out for college?

He can’t imagine leaving in this house with his parents avoiding him. It would be a cage - but now his secret feels like a cage, too. He wants to be honest, but there is no telling where speaking the truth would lead. He can’t risk losing everything. Especially not when he doesn’t even know if he will ever fall in love with another boy again.

Reggie feels like he should talk to someone, but… who? Who would understand this?

Moose probably would, but - they usually don’t really talk about feelings. Reggie could text Kevin, but he doesn’t know if they have the kind of friendship yet, where he can Kevin at 1am about being queer without it being weird.

His thoughts hesitantly slither towards Archie. He could try. He could try to tell someone about how he feels.

What would Archie do? Would he understand? Or would he avoid Reggie afterwards, afraid that he might be in love with Archie? (He would be right to think that.)

That doesn’t seem likely - after all, Archie doesn’t mind Kevin talking about how hot he is, either. But… Reggie can’t convince himself to risk it. Losing Archie would be too much.

Sometimes, loving Archie feels like breathing - natural, simple, unprompted.

And then there are days like this. On days like today, loving Archie feels like a stone tied to his legs, his lungs flooding with water. It feels like a scream stuck in his throat, the words dying in his mouth. He wants to tell him. He wants to tell the world. But the words are dangerous weapons, strong enough to destroy a life. He doesn’t trust the world not to turn them back on him.

In the end, he texts nobody. He falls asleep to the thought of red hair and brown eyes, a wide smile and calloused hand. His last thought is that one day, his heart is just going to give out from the way it grows whenever he thinks about Archie. Cause of Death: Loving too much. It would be an interesting story, though.

 

**_without you in my life, it would be no fun / I was so lonely till you came to me with the wonder of your love_ **

 

Reggie isn't prepared for Archie to show up on his doorstep.

He is even less prepared for Archie to show up on his doorstep at 7am on a Wednesday. (The Wednesday part isn't really the most important factor here.)

He's still in his pyjamas when he opens the door, and he almost slams it shut in Archie's face. But his brain is thankfully faster than his first panicked instinct, so he ends up staring at the other boy like an idiot. You have to count your victories.

Archie has started to blush once he's seen how utterly unprepared Reggie is for this situation.

“Sorry, I should have sent you a text. But I bring food?”

It's only now that Reggie sees Archie holding a bag that seems to be from the local bakery. And okay, Reggie is only human. Seeing his… person of affection _and_ food in front of him? That is almost certain to make his brain short cut.

“God, I love you”, he breathes, and Archie blinks at him.

They look at each other for a few seconds before Reggie slaps a hand over his mouth, his brain finally deciding to join the party. Archie laughs, and the sound rings in Reggie's ears, warm and rich. He wants to wrap himself in it.

“Dude, it’s just breakfast.”

Reggie can feel the blush creep up his face, his ears heating up.

“Shut up, man.” His voice sounds sheepish, a little awkward and goddamnit, why did he even open the door. If the ground were to open in front of him, he’d jump in without a second thought. It sounds more comfortable than standing here.

Archie still chuckles. “It’s nice to know though. Are you letting me in?”

Reggie realizes that he is still standing in the door, awkwardly holding it open. Archie walks past him, smiling, and the way Reggie’s heart beats in reaction to that smile, it feels like it wants to climb out of his body. Maybe it does. Because this boy is everything Reggie wants - and he’s here, and he’s bringing breakfast, and Reggie told him he loved him and _he meant it_. But Archie doesn’t know that.

The dark-haired boy doesn’t realize he’s still holding the door like a goddamn idiot when Archie calls out for him: “Hey, did your mom reorganize the cupboards, or did I forget where everything is?”

Closing the door and rushing to the kitchen, Reggie is faced with Archie standing in his kitchen, seven cupboards opened, frowning like they personally offended them. Reggie wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so badly, it almost feels like physical exhaustion not to do it. But it’s not right and not fair to his _straight friend who likes him very much platonically_.

“What exactly are you even looking for, Red? Plates?” His mouth has actually said something smart. Reggie is mentally high-fiving himself, while he pulls open another door, getting two plates out. Archie takes them from him, grinning at him.

“Thanks! Now sit down, before you fall over. You look barely awake, man.”

Reggie rolls his eyes but sits down obediently. “You’re so sweet today.”

The smile on the redhead’s face somehow makes his almost-not-there freckles more visible, and when did these get attractive? (Probably around the time Reggie realized they were attached to Archie’s body, making him look really cute when he smiled.)

Archie shrugs. “Never said I was.” But his voice is soft, and if his voice was a feeling, it would feel a little like Reggie imagines warm honey on skin must feel. (He’s not sure he wants to test that theory, though. The metaphor works anyway.)

Curling up on his chair, Reggie watches Archie move around in his kitchen. It’s weirdly domestic, and for a second he imagines telling Archie. He wonders if this would be what it would be like to date Archie, if this is something he could have permanently.

And then he looks at the other boy and thinks about the chance of losing him - and decides that nothing is worth losing Archie. He would rather have this platonically forever than risk losing it all for romance. Maybe that’s selfish - to want Archie so much he’s willing to hide something from him.

But Archie smiles at him when he puts his plate down in front of Reggie, and he thinks that as long as he doesn’t hurt Archie, it isn’t selfish. (Or maybe it still is, but he doesn’t care, then.)

 

**_cause love is a game we deserve to play out loud / don't know if I'm being wise, but it's something that I must believe in_ **

 

Reggie wants to turn around. He knows this is a stupid plan - it’s not even a plan, it’s an irrational, dumb, terrible idea that will go horribly wrong.

He should go home and forget he ever wanted to do this. Yeah, absolutely. He’s already down the stairs, when he hears the door behind him open.

“Reggie?” It’s Fred Andrews’ voice and Reggie wants to laugh and cry at the same time. This is going to go down horrible.

He turns around, his shoulders slumping. “Uhm… hi, Mr Andrews.”

His voice sounds small in his ears, a little weak. He hates it. Mr Andrews doesn’t comment on it, instead, he looks at Reggie with his warm eyes. They are almost the same as the one he loves so much, and it makes his heart ache a little with desperation.

“Come on in, Archie’s upstairs. And you can call me Fred.”

Reggie absolutely can’t. Because if this goes down today, he will probably never speak to him again. He nods anyway. “Yeah, okay.” It’s easy to lie to him. Following him up the stairs, Fred ushers him inside, calling for his son upstairs. There is the tell-tale thumping of feet on the stairs, and for a moment Reggie considers lying to Archie about his feelings, but as soon as he sees the other boy’s hair peeking around the corner, he knows he won’t be able to.

He is so utterly fucked.

“Hey.” Archie looks so _happy_ to see him, and now Reggie kind of wants to throw up. The butterflies in his stomach are turning into dragons, clawing on his insides. But he still manages a wobbly smile. “Hey, Red.”

The second he says it, he wants to slap himself. His stupid nickname for Archie should not have slipped across his lips so easily, especially not in front of Archie’s dad. But Fred only looks amused, hiding his smile by turning away a little.

Archie grins at Reggie’s slip up. “Come on, let’s head upstairs.”

Reggie considers stopping him, telling him that he’s going to leave again, but he kind of doesn’t want to say so in front of Fred. So he nods, following the redhead to the stairs. Archie leads him to his room and tells him to settle down. Sitting down on the bed, Reggie wishes he had brought some notes. Or written a letter. Why the hell did he not think about that before?

Before he’s ready, Archie is back in the room, settling down on the other side of the bed. “Thank god you came over. I was trying to finish that weird book for Mr Miller’s class and I’m bored out of my mind.”

Reggie can’t help but chuckle. “It’s a pretty bad book.”

The other boy throws his hands in the air. “Right? I just don’t see the point of it, at all. Like, what did he think when he wrote that?”

Grinning, Reggie shrugs. He doesn’t really know either, but considering the time it was written, he is almost positive the guy might have just been on something. Or on multiple things.

He looks down on his hands, entangling his fingers.

“Archie - can I tell you something?”

The silence that befalls the room is strange, uncomfortably heavy. He can hear that his own voice is uncharacteristically earnest, without his usual humour.

He doesn’t dare to look at Archie, but the bed dips when his friend leans forward. “You can always tell me anything, Reggie.”

It’s said with so much honesty, it makes Reggie want to cry. He is afraid he might actually cry today. Slowly, he nods, not raising his eyes from Archie’s bed.

He doesn’t know how to start. “I… I’m…” The words get stuck in his throat, and he’s not even sure what he was going to say. I love you? I’m bisexual? I can’t live without you anymore?

Archie reaches across and wraps Reggie’s hands in his own. “Reggie, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you like this.”

Isn’t that the funniest part? No-one has ever seen Reggie like this. And now he’s about to give Archie everything to destroy him, to destroy his entire life - with a few simple words. It’s terrifying, because it feels like it’s worth it. If there’s just the tiniest chance... just 1% would be enough for Reggie.

He takes a deep breath and squeezes Archie’s hands. The returning squeeze makes him look up, finding Archie’s eyes looking at his. There’s worry in them, and a lot of warmth, and something affectionate that makes Reggie’s heart ache.

He swallows. “Please don’t hate me.”

Archie’s eyes widen comically. Then he grasps his hands tighter, holding them as if he could tether Reggie to this spot by doing it. “Reggie, I will never hate you. Okay? Nothing will ever make me hate you.”

If he could only believe that. Reggie nods anyway, and then before he loses his bravery, he lets the words slip from his lips.

“I’m in love with you.”

The words feel like the world falling off his shoulders, and like a knife to his heart at the same time.

Archie blinks, his eyes a little confused. Then he opens his mouth, only to close it again. There is some emotion radiating off him, but Reggie can’t place it. It’s driving him up the wall, but he doesn’t move. His hands are still wrapped in Archie’s, and Reggie wants to hope it’s a good sign, but he’s mostly just terrified of the moment Archie will pull his hands back.

That doesn’t happen.

Instead, he’s being pulled forward. Archie’s hands slide up his neck, and Reggie doesn’t really know how they got there, but he never wants them to leave again.

“You are such an idiot.” The redhead doesn’t look mad. He looks _happy_ , unbelievably so. Reggie feels the breath get stuck in his throat again, not prepared for this scenario.

“Archie?”

The other boy brushed his thumbs over his cheeks carefully, setting his skin on fire with such a simple action. “I could never hate you for that.”

That… doesn’t make sense. At all. Reggie frowns, about to tell him exactly that, when the other boy beats him to it. “I’m in love with you as well, you fool.”

Reggie can feel his brain stop working. He must look like an utter idiot, staring at Archie like he just said the moon was a flashlight, or something equally stupid.

“What?” The word tumbles across his tongue before he can stop it. “You are?”

 

Archie laughs, the sound rumbling through him, and this close, Reggie can almost feel the vibrations running through his body. It’s almost enough to distract him from Archie’s words.

“Yeah, I am. Have been for a while. I thought it was pretty obvious.”

This is not how he thought this day would go. “It was not! How was that supposed to be obvious?”

Archie laughs at him again, and the dark-haired boy decides that this is his favourite sound now. He wants to bottle it up, for bad times. And for the good times as well.

“I guess we’re both idiots then.”

Reggie feels his mouth curl into a smile, the stupidly-in-love smile he tried to avoid before. Now it seems to be appropriate. “I guess so.”

Archie smiles back at him, and it draws Reggie’s attention to the other boy’s mouth. And he suddenly realizes that he might be allowed to kiss him, which doesn’t really help his fried brain at all.

“Can I kiss you?”

The words take a second to get through to Reggie - he is not equipped to handle this, okay? There is a limit to what surprises Reggie can take, and this is too much.

He can feel himself nodding like an idiot though, and decides that he might not need his brain. His instincts are dealing quite well with this.

Archie leans forward, and his mouth softly brushes against Reggie. His lips are soft and gentle, and it’s too much and too little at the same time. This thought occurs around the same time that Reggie realizes that this means he’s allowed to _touch_.

Scooting forward, Reggie actually just wants to settle his hands on Archie’s waist, but when the other boy slides a hand into Reggie’s hair, he ends up climbing into his lap instead. It forces Archie to angle his head upward a little, but the warmth of his body feels terribly nice against Reggie’s.

His hands slide over Archie’s rips, and the shiver it sends through the redhead makes him feel a little lightheaded. He could definitely get used to this. From the way Archie is kissing him, he thinks he doesn’t really mind, either.


	2. the playlist

 

[x](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hDet-n8bM9Kr8esU13oIENSJPMWeOXM-/view?usp=sharing) [x](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1eDYWHax16uK34ItzV7kpUk_vNAHUYw3f/view?usp=sharing)

[the playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/ph333jkn1krtws8h72xg9y1it/playlist/6cSeRb6XoRiZDYUhYY5R0E?si=AbmXmQncTqm2X-qIKOrLEg)


End file.
